Topic #4: Non-traditional students

So I literally haven't posted anything over a year.. I was busy, nobody even noticed so I don't know why you're still crying. 

Today I'd like to talk about non-traditional students.  Why?  Well, I am one, firstly.  Secondly, they're all annoying except me.  If you're going back to school, I commend you.  That's actually really great, no sarcasm used.  I know how hard it can be to go back after taking time off, but if you are one of the people who have done it, props to the fullest.  But do you HAVE to stand out like a sore, sober, well fed thumb?  No, you don't.

 

The first thing I need to address is the wheely back-pack.  If you have back problems, I guess it makes sense, but 85% of the people wheeling their bags around are just lazy.  Or they think its cool.  Or ingenious.  I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but traditional students are laughing at you.  Not Kevin Hart laughing, but they get a light chuckle.  Please, if you are able, pick your BACK pack up & put it where it belongs, on your back.  You won't tip over.

Another thing I see that is popular among the non-tradishies this fall semester are the canvas, half tennies look.  Now if you don't now what a tennie is, I'll show you....

Now cut the back off and wrap it in canvas & you have the preferred shoe of all the mom's sitting in English 100.

 

I'm not saying everyone should dress like a drunk college sloptart still wearing her party outfit from last night to her 8am because she didn't set her alarm this morning, but come on.  I haven't seen those since Kimmy Gibler rocked them over to DJ's house. 

 Also another fashion faux pa is the big, fabric scrunchie holding up your 90s ponytail. 

I mean, that look may be updated from your normal mom jeans & Ralph Lauren sweatshirt, but take a second to look around you next time you're sitting in class & note what the young bucks are holding their hair up with.  Don't see it?  Put on your glasses.  There, now you can note the small, convenient band.  Descrete & fashion forward.  No need to sew all your scrap fabric from patching your son's boxer shorts into a hair accessory.  I PROMISE your hair will stay up, and also I'll be able to pay more attention to the professor instead of trying to read the print on your hot pink hair piece.

Here is my BIGGEST pet peeve from the mom jean ladies in my testing class.  PUT YOUR DAMN HAND DOWN!!! 

I understand you have a lot of questions & have had many amazing life experiences in your 45 years of life, but EVERYTIME you interject* your story into class, the rest of us are rolling our eyes & praying you decide to skip class for the rest of the semester.  Sometimes you're so annoying that the PROFESSOR rolls their eyes & gives you subtle social cues that your time to stop talking is now.  Just today a woman raised her hand not 5 but 8 times to tell us about her kids, her dog, her Ford Focus & her younger years when things were cheap & the music was decent. It got to the point where the professor had to stop calling on her, which, if you're wondering, did NOT stop her.

 

 

This is all in good fun.  If you're offended, I'm sorry I broke into your home, drug you to your computer at gun point & made you read my blog.

 

 

*Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discourage class participation.  I think it's vital or else class would be a drag.  What I am discouraging is raising your hand 5 times a minute to share a detalied story of your life, or your deeply seeded political views on No Child Left Behind.

Topic #3: Facebook Blunders

Facebook.  A great social tool that keeps people connected no matter where they are.  I love Facebook & check it regularly, like most people.  But some things are just getting ridiculous.  I get irritated by the misuse of the 'book, like most of my friends.  Here are a few examples.

1. Giving yourself a Facebook 'youkindaridikulus' Nickname. So I don't know why people think it's cool to give themselves nicknames on Facebook.  First of all, giving yourself a nickname in general is kinda lame.  If your friends don't give you one, then you don't have a nickname, period. It's lame enough that you try to tell people what to call you when it's not your name, or some form of your name. But why do you have to put it on the Internet?  Here's a few examples:

Jamie 'babygirl' Williams
Sammi 'paperchaser' Kennedy
Michael 'f*ckb!tchesgetmoney' Edmonds
Jake 'rockinyaworld' Timmons

I just made those ones up, b/c I didn't want anyone to cry b/c I called them out directly, but it's really stupid. Just stick w/ your government, people will still like you if you don't have a rad nickname, I promise.

2. Liking your own stuff.  We get it, dood.  You love that new Bruno Mars joint, your outing to the bar, & Julie's birthday extravaganza you attended.  We knew you liked it when you put it up on your page.  There is no need to like it after you put it up.  That's just irritating & we assume you don't have anything better to do than like your own stuff.  Message sent, you enjoy the things on your page, apparently an extra amount.

3. The emo status. I understand some people don't get the attention they like or deserve.  But honestly, crying about it on the 'book won't help your situation.  Now, I'm also guilty of putting some emotion in my status, but I've never gone too far w/ it.  Usually my status is a shout out to someone I love or song lyrics.  But never have I ever posted 'why does everyone hate me?' or something of the like. I'm not a fan of the statuses that try to make you seem more fulfilled than you actually are.  You know what I'm talking about... when you see your news feed cluttered with 'I am sooo busy! I don't know how I'll even fit one more thing into my schedule.' or 'I'm the single greatest gift God has given to women.'  No, you're not.  Know how I know you're lonely.... yeah, your status. All I think about you now is that you're a tool.

4. The 'Me' Albums.  You know exactly what I'm talking about.  Those cute people who dedicate an entire photo album (or two or three) to 53 different pictures of just them.  Those are the tool bags you don't wanna be friends w/... & I'm sorry for being so blunt about it. Wait, no I'm not.  Anyways, how many different pictures of your face is enough for you people?  I have a few self portraits on my page, yes, but no albums entitled 'me'. You look lonely & you probably have a few statuses to enforce that assumption.  Lemme give you a tip... you look cooler if you have pictures w/ people in them... you know, like friends. NOBODY is that good looking... not even my beloved LL Cool J.

5. Four Square Mishaps.  OK, so people are nosey, myself included.  I like to know what my people are up to & what they do w/ their lives.  Four Square is a cool feature to let people know what you're doing & who you're doing it with.  That being said, if you're walking into town & you check in every 20 steps at every place you pass, stop it.  Nobody cares THAT much as to what you're doing & where you're at. Once you get to your destination, the place you're gonna be for at least 20 minutes, then check in.  I'll be OK w/ that, as will your entire friends list who will get to creep on other people in their news feed, not just you.

There are hundreds more, but to me, these are the most offensive.  So, knock the sh!t off.  Your Facebook life will be much better, I promise.  && people will be waaaay less irritated w/ you.

Remember, my words come from the heart & are meant w/ the most loving & concerned intentions.  If you get offended, you're just a pansy.  ;) 

Topic #2: Leggings, Jeggings & Jean Leggings

Hello all, or none, whichever amount of people read this blog.

I am going to discuss the terrible, aweful, horrible invention of leggings.  Well, leggings aren't terrible when worn properly like so:

Notice how these beautiful ladies have leggings on... & they look cute... what are they doing right? I'll tell ya, ladies & gents, they all have something covering their coocah (thank you, Snooki, for such a fun word to use referring to a womans vagina).  ATTENTION COLLEGE AGED WOMEN: Leggings are NOT PANTS!!!!!!  That's right, for some reason you seem to think that you can throw on a pair of leggings & a short T & walk out of your room & bee-bop to class w/ no issues.  WRONG! You have a camel toe, no if, ands, or butts about it.  Also, if you're not smart enough to wear a thong w/ said leggings, you have a terrible granny panty line that makes this fashion disaster even worse.  Let me just show you what I mean:

Ick. That's all I have to say about that.  Please place your vagina in pants or under a skirt, dress, or LONG t-shirt.  Thank you. 

A side rant, can someone please explain to me the purpose of jeggings?  Just buy a pair of tight jeans, there, problem solved.

Now, leggings can be a good thing. & sometimes girls wear all their leggings during the week w/ their belly shirts & crop tops so they're dirty when they really need them... w/ a short dress worn to go out & fish for a gentleman caller to bring home.  Now, as much as I don't want to see your coocah in the form of a camel toe in your leggings, I also don't want to catch a peek of it when the wind blows & your inappropriately short outfit drafts up & reveals your kitty.  If your booty is about to peek out below your outfit, leggings are necessessary.  Let me show you:

Now the woman on the left has a brain, the one on the right, looks like she just had an affair w/ her boss & couldn't find her vodka soaked secretary garb while trying to run out of his house when his wife got home.  That just looks trashy & frankly, nobody is going to respect you.  Some girls will try & be tricky & throw a belt on just to help w/ the wind blowing situation, but that doesn't work either. Sorry.

Some of you might not think I have any right to pick on how people dress, & to be quite honest, I'm no fashion icon... I can almost guarantee you that I've committed some fashion crimes that people would laugh at me for or b*#$% about in a blog... but you know what, I'm ranting & you're (hopefully) laughing. This is all in good fun, so be good about it & have some fun.

Introduction & Topic #1: Boots & Shorts

I know what you're thinking... another rant blog by some a$$hole.  Well, let me tell you something... you're right.  I just hope mine is funny & you don't hate yourself after. (that's what she said?  no? OK)

Basically I'm just going to pick a topic that is very relevant & in DIRE need of addressing & b*#$% about it & hope that other people chime in.  Simple as that.

This first topic is one that is directed mostly towards females, but men are also guilty.  Here goes.  Boots of any kind, ugg, work, tims, etc, are NOT to be worn with anything but a pant.  Period. End of story. 

I do not understand why girls insist on slipping into their warm comfy & most of the time stylish WINTER boots when they're wearing daisy dukes. It's NOT CUTE!  You look stupid!  & yes, cowboy boots with shorts look stupid too, so don't think you're safe, Annie Oakley.

Point in case... even cute celebs like Hayden make the tragic mistake of putting on the uggs w/ the shorts.  All this says to me is that you're confused about the weather, or that you're going to be wading through something later that won't go past your mid shin.  Shit, perhaps?

I'm not saying that ugg boots, or any boots of the like, aren't cute.  I own 2 pairs of boots & love when it gets cold enough to buy this seasons pair or if you're poor like me, bust last years pair out of the basement & rock them proudly.  They look really cute with a nice pair of jeans, or with a pair of tights & a LONG shirt/dress (topic #2?), not shorts, skirts w/o tights, capris (jean or legging), or anything else above the ankle.* Basically boots & bare skinned legs are ridiculous & should be outlawed.  Don't you think its unconstitutional? I do.

*For the record, I have, in fact, been seen outside w/ boots (slipper boots, not uggs) & my pj capri pants.  Not acceptable, I know, but it was at night & nobody saw me but my best friend. Everyone makes mistakes, get over it.

Now women aren't the only ones guilty of this tragic fashion faux pa.  Men also can be charged.  A felony charge is what I see fit.  A man in ugg boots is simply unacceptable.  A man in ugg boots and capris!?!?!?  I don't even have any words for this.  I'm so disturbed. I'm not gonna b*#$% about this one b/c well, it speaks for itself.

As if it weren't bad enough, this fine gentleman is wearing what I'm pretty sure are WOMENS ugg boots.  That's his choice & I won't judge him for that... but he's not wearing them properly & for that, sir, I say, not excusable.  Not at all.

& I can't tell you how many grown a$$ men I've see wondering around in public w/ shorts & some raggity a$$ work boots w/ concrete & dirt crusted to them.  Most of the time they're untied.  This is just offensive.  Rednecks need to be tamed.  What work are you doing that allows you the comfort of hoop shorts but the danger of work boots? The devil's work, that's what kind.  What will you be doing that you need bare legs & steel-toed foot protection? I'm not sure, but you look dumb doing it, I know that much.

Now don't get mad at me for calling you out.  We've all done it, but that doesn't make it okay.  What my goal is is to stop the stupidity, plain & simple.  I want to make everyone aware of issues plaguing American streets that may not be as important as some others.  Sometimes we need a break from the troubles that mean something & should have a laugh at the troubles that let smart people laugh at dumb people.

If you have any topics you'd like addressed, please, comment & let me know.  I can pretty much b*#$% about anything & everything.  Also I'm new to the blogging scene, so if you know how I can make this better, please let me know.  I like constructive criticism... now if you're just going to be a d*$%, well... I'll just laugh @ you & ignore your advice.