Topic #4: Non-traditional students

So I literally haven't posted anything over a year.. I was busy, nobody even noticed so I don't know why you're still crying. 

Today I'd like to talk about non-traditional students.  Why?  Well, I am one, firstly.  Secondly, they're all annoying except me.  If you're going back to school, I commend you.  That's actually really great, no sarcasm used.  I know how hard it can be to go back after taking time off, but if you are one of the people who have done it, props to the fullest.  But do you HAVE to stand out like a sore, sober, well fed thumb?  No, you don't.

 

The first thing I need to address is the wheely back-pack.  If you have back problems, I guess it makes sense, but 85% of the people wheeling their bags around are just lazy.  Or they think its cool.  Or ingenious.  I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but traditional students are laughing at you.  Not Kevin Hart laughing, but they get a light chuckle.  Please, if you are able, pick your BACK pack up & put it where it belongs, on your back.  You won't tip over.

Another thing I see that is popular among the non-tradishies this fall semester are the canvas, half tennies look.  Now if you don't now what a tennie is, I'll show you....

Now cut the back off and wrap it in canvas & you have the preferred shoe of all the mom's sitting in English 100.

 

I'm not saying everyone should dress like a drunk college sloptart still wearing her party outfit from last night to her 8am because she didn't set her alarm this morning, but come on.  I haven't seen those since Kimmy Gibler rocked them over to DJ's house. 

 Also another fashion faux pa is the big, fabric scrunchie holding up your 90s ponytail. 

I mean, that look may be updated from your normal mom jeans & Ralph Lauren sweatshirt, but take a second to look around you next time you're sitting in class & note what the young bucks are holding their hair up with.  Don't see it?  Put on your glasses.  There, now you can note the small, convenient band.  Descrete & fashion forward.  No need to sew all your scrap fabric from patching your son's boxer shorts into a hair accessory.  I PROMISE your hair will stay up, and also I'll be able to pay more attention to the professor instead of trying to read the print on your hot pink hair piece.

Here is my BIGGEST pet peeve from the mom jean ladies in my testing class.  PUT YOUR DAMN HAND DOWN!!! 

I understand you have a lot of questions & have had many amazing life experiences in your 45 years of life, but EVERYTIME you interject* your story into class, the rest of us are rolling our eyes & praying you decide to skip class for the rest of the semester.  Sometimes you're so annoying that the PROFESSOR rolls their eyes & gives you subtle social cues that your time to stop talking is now.  Just today a woman raised her hand not 5 but 8 times to tell us about her kids, her dog, her Ford Focus & her younger years when things were cheap & the music was decent. It got to the point where the professor had to stop calling on her, which, if you're wondering, did NOT stop her.

 

 

This is all in good fun.  If you're offended, I'm sorry I broke into your home, drug you to your computer at gun point & made you read my blog.

 

 

*Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discourage class participation.  I think it's vital or else class would be a drag.  What I am discouraging is raising your hand 5 times a minute to share a detalied story of your life, or your deeply seeded political views on No Child Left Behind.